One Month....

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

(1 month old - 9/16/08: Our first picture of you after your successful extubation. Doctors from all over the unit stopped by to see the baby that no one thought would make through the first night)

Dearest Kennedy,

I can't believe I have had to endure one month on this earth without you! I knew that this day was inevitable, however, knowing that you were never going to live a full long life still hasn't made loosing you any easier. My arms long for your warm body, my ears search for the sound of your voice, my nose yearns for the smell of your breath, my eyes continuously scan for the sight of your beautiful blue eyes, perfect button nose, long curly shiney red locks, and rose red lips and my heart aches. I miss you more than most will ever understand.

The thought that your absence on this earth is permanent is a hard concept to wrap my mind around. However, I am very comforted in the simple fact that I was able to immerse myself in your presence for almost two and a half years. I was given the best gift when god blessed me with the most perfect baby girl.

We all miss you so much. There is not a day that passes that your name is not spoken or a one of your pictures doesn't catch my eye. Daddy has been keeping busy getting your brothers room all ready for his grand entrance on May 2, 2011. I know you will be there front and center with the best seat in the house.

I got Grammy a gift from you. It is a hand painted personalized wood plaque which reads, "I wouldn't be so spoiled if someone would just spank Grammy". She loves it! As you know better then anyone - I hate change. But as with anything, I am learning to adapt. I yearn for the day when we reunite, but until then I will continue to remember you by sharing your story - to anyone and everyone that will listen (and even to the ones that won't LOL). I am the women I am today because of you Kennedy and for that I am eternally grateful.

I love you and miss you everyday!

Love,

Mommy and Daddy too

Kennedy Talking

Sunday, February 6, 2011
It is often thought by many that Kennedy's life was full of sadness and pain. That she was this empty lost soul with no brain that was unable to experience the simple pleasures of life. However, the presumptions of others couldn't be farther from the truth. Her family and our closest friends knew different. One of the worst statements I would hear from random individuals was how sorry they felt for Kennedy. My immediate response was and continues to be WHY? Don't feel sorry for her. She had one of the most amazing life's - she was showered with love, she was comfortable and without pain a vast majority of her life, and she was blessed with family and friends that would do anything for her. I tended to use my blog as an escape. It provided me with a therapeutic outlet where I could write out my emotions, struggles, and battles that were faced by my family.

Anyways, to the point of this post. Around 10-12 months of age Kennedy finally began babbling. She would coo and ahhh all the time. It was so unexpected because we were never given any hope that we would ever be able to experience this with our daughter. In addition, it became such an invaluable tool which allowed us to gage her moods by. Around 15-16 months she began having conversations with us, putting together two syllable sounds - in those times it was so easy to forget Kennedy wasn't a "typical" child. Hearing her voice could turn even the worst of days around. She was communicating to us in her own unique way.

I have tens of thousands of pictures of Kennedy. I never really video taped her (not really sure why) but around October once I got my new iphone (aren't grown-up toys so fun) I began recording Kennedy. October 14, 2010 I recorded one of the best 2 mins and 41 secs. Kennedy and I were at home sitting in our rocking chair having a long ole conversation back and forth which we did all the time, but this time I began to record her. She was saying, what to me sounds like mama and dada. So I thought I would share it with all of you.