The Peanut Gallery

Monday, April 6, 2009

Back to Work I go

Monday, April 6, 2009
After my three day sabbatical I am back at work. I needed that time off!! I thought I was okay to go to work on Wednesday after our devastating news, but boy was I wrong. I got up as usual at 4:30 a.m. to get ready for work. I left my house at 5:30 a.m. (on time for once) and began my long trek to the wonderful city of El Monte. About half way there I broke down. I didn’t even realize my radio wasn’t on and I began to sob. It was one of those uncontrollable cries. I pretty much had a pity party for myself. I cried out “why me”, “why Kennedy” etc…..

I feel sorry for poor Jen who got my 6:00 a.m. phone call looking for somebody to talk too – I didn’t know who else I could call that would actually be up (Thanks for listening Jen Smith). I told her how bad I felt and that I just didn’t know what I was to do. She talked to me for about 5 minutes and calmed me down. I got to work feeling Okay, I thought to myself that I would go in and get a couple things done seeing as it was quarter end and then go home. Well that didn’t happen – I walked through the door and straight into my bosses office. I explained to him what had happened at Kennedy’s appointment the prior day and then I lost it. I began sobbing uncontrollable again! I told him that I just didn’t want to be at work, my mind and heart where not there. I explained to him that all I wanted to do is be home with my baby. He gave me some GREAT words of advice and sent me on my way.

I arrived at my moms at 7:30 a.m. to pick up Kennedy. She had a very surprised look on her face when I came knocking at her door. I told her that I wanted my baby!!! Of course those motherly questions came flying out her mouth, “why aren’t you at work”, “are you sure your okay”, “did you talk to your boss, you can’t afford to lose your job”. I replied yes to all and proceeded to walk into her bedroom swoop Kennedy out of her bed and put her in my car. We arrived home and got into bed – we laid there all day. She mainly slept and I talked and cried to her. I told her everything that was happening to her and how I felt about it all. She is the best listener. When I couldn’t cry any more I finally passed out.

Boy, I wish I was in bed with her right now. It was great!!!!

3 comments:

lynette said...

Steph you are amazing! I have been following your blog since it started. Your strength, courage, love and determination are so inspiring. God gave you Kennedy because all angels need earthly parents and absolutely no one can hold a candle to you and Brian. You are all a constant in my thoughts and prayers - thank you for sharing your beautiful daughter and words of wisdom. You are a remarkable woman and I love you!

xxxooo Lynette

ThatsMe!! said...

Lynette is right, you are amazing...My heart just breaks for you guys, there is no more devastating news in the world anybody can get and my heart truly breaks for you, your on such a difficult road, a road no mother or father should ever have to travel..
Is there a way to take a temporary family leave from your job ? is there anyway they could "lay you off" so you could get unemployment..
Its so very heartbreaking for you to have to leave her everyday. I know you want to spend every single moment you can with Kennedy and it OK for you to do what ever you have to, to make it happen, your her Mama
I am keeping you all in my thoughts and prayers...
LaDawn

Jennifer said...

Hey Stephanie! We used to live in Cali. We moved out here to NC in 2006. We used to live in Ventura County. My hubby really misses living out there but I really love it here!